28 Ridiculous Baby Products That Absolutely 100% Should Not Exist

1. NoseFrida the Snotsucker

Not only unnecessary, but gross too!


2. The iPotty

Because every baby needs an iPad, and needs it at all times, of course.

3. Ride on vacuum

The less responsibility the better, right?

4. The Crib Dribbler

May as well just get a trough.

5. The Mop Onesie

Goes well with the ride on vacuum.


6. This “It’s A Boy!” Card.


7. “Laugh and Learn Apptivity Case”

Babies and iPhones go hand and hand.

8. The Peekaru

Well this isn’t creepy at all…


9. Zachy Hand Pillow

You’ll never have to be there for your child again!

10. Grillz Pacifier

Maybe you’re not happy with the Grillz. That’s okay! There’s always this:

11. Redneck Pacifier

Now that’s how you treat a baby.


12. The Crying “Analyzer”

You can definitely put all your trust into this.

13. Baby’s Poop Alarm

So you don’t actually have to look after your kid until you really need to.


14. Crumb Cap

Because babies are supposed to handle themselves with grace, elegance and manner at all times.


15. The Baby Lasso

Fun for everyone!

16. The Daddle

20 minutes of set up for a 40 second ride.


17. The Kickbee

Okay. This will take some time to settle in. This product monitors when your baby kicks, and sends out a tweet every time. Just in case you weren’t annoying your friends and family enough with all your unnecessary baby posts (you know they’re unnecessary), this will ensure you’re the most irritating mother in town before the child’s even born.

18. The Windi Gas Relievers

Is anyone really surprised that the guys who made the Snotsucker also make butt plugs for babies?

19. The Baby Toupee

For all those insecure bald babies.


20. Placenta Brooches

Easy storage!


21. The Thudguard

Somebody forgot that humans are supposed to bump there heads once in a while, and, y’know, learn to protect themselves. Why even let them out the house?

22. Baby knee pads.

But it seems like we’re going to be seeing a lot more children growing up with kneepads and helmets on 24/7 for the rest of their lives. Yay!

23. Baby heels.

They can barely walk as it is. But as they say, fashion is everything in the baby world.

24. Pee Pee Teepees.

This is supposed to prevent accidents during diaper changes. It will only really work if your son stays still during the process (so, it will never really work).

25. Baby Butt Fan

This is to prevent diaper rash. It’s the key to good parenting.

26. Tummy Tub

This over expensive bucket is apparently a ‘tub that replicates the womb’. It’s supposed to ease the transition into the real world. Because we all struggled so much without it…

27. This bottle holder.

Who really cares about caring for your child? This wonderful safe-looking contraption will let you finish that crossword you’ve been working on for four months.


28. Baby Bangs.

Because patience is for dweebs.