18 Classic Douchebags Everyone Grew Up With In High School
There are a lot of douches in this world and it seems that there is a particularly high concentration of them in your school years. Here is a list of 18 classic douchebag names and the traits that characterize them.
Vince is that guy you knew in college that was always sending dick pics to ‘his ladies’. He has taken a particular liking to suede and has four restraining orders in the tri-state area. Later in life found his calling as a photographer promising to “turn you into a star” if you just do some nude modelling for him.
Spends more time in the bathroom then his girlfriend. After a hard day spent at the day spa, Felix falls asleep in the sunbed and now looks like a very androgynous tomato.
Corey spends all his time at the gym and refers to his arms as “my guns”. Corey has an intellect only rivaled by garden tools and he knows it. His claims to fame are that he can make his boobs dance and can quote you all the ingredients on the back of his protein powder.
Harley is the guy that can get you anything, man. It’s totally for a worthy cause though, he’s saving up money to make his first rap video and paying “bitches and hoes is expensive playa”.
Tommy cares way more about his hair than anything else in his life. A Chad or Garth is going to be trying to feel up his girl while he’s making love with his face in the bathroom mirror.
Spencer spent the whole of high school and college being ignored by women and now he feels like the world owes him something. He takes high class prostitutes to dinner, drives excessively in fast cars and claims people have been jealous of him his whole life which is why they ‘couldn’t handle his game’ at high school.
Sebastian was an adult from birth and has no time for your s%#t. He has a hedge fund portfolio already at age 16, he comes from a wealthy family and in three years his dad will run for Governor, become embroiled in a cheating scandal. After a thorough investigation into his life is outed for insider trading, Sebastian’s family will lose everything.
Garth is way too loud all the time. He goes around shouting “am I right, am I right?” immediately after picking on someone while desperately looking around for affirmation from his ‘boys’. Garth is desperate for approval and wants to be the cool guy at the party but secretly knows that he’s not.
9. ‘The Money’.
The guy at your school you knew was most likely to end up in prison. You never knew his real name because he always insisted people call him ‘The Money’ and people stopped asking after he threatened to “pop a cap in yo ass”.
Lives by the philosophy of ‘treat em mean, keep em keen’. Is author of several self help books to help “losers pick up women” but is still looking for someone to publish it. One of the most likely of all the douche bags to slip something into a girl’s drink.
Is trying way too hard to be a ‘douche’. He hangs out with all the other douches but writes poetry in his spare time and is constantly having an identity crisis asking “what does it all mean?”.
Preston has the latest gadgets, wears sunglasses inside and doesn’t know the meaning of ‘collar down’. He doesn’t play sports because that would get in the way of his lifelong mission of hunting for chicks. Uses the word bro way too much, calls night clubs “a target rich environment” and looks down on anyone who doesn’t own a jet ski.
Dresses like an 18th century plantation owner and puts on a southern accent even though he was born in New Jersey. Says that he is going to make his first billion at 30 and thinks he looks like Clark Gable when he actually looks like Pee-Wee Herman.
There’s something wrong with Travis. He’s the jock that is always nervous and excited at the same time. He calls everybody ‘gay’, is the first guy to hit the showers, loves towel whipping his team mates, says “up top” before high fiving dudes and is always ready to give a motivational slap in the ass before the big game.
Doug has always tried to act cool but has never quite managed to get there. At 21 he was getting tired of claiming he “got laid big time” when he has no idea what the inside of a girl’s bedroom looks like. At this point he doesn’t care that the chick at the bar looks like a dude, tonight he’s “getting some damnit!”
Derek always drinks way too much at parties. He knows that high school is going to be the highlight of his life and he is determined to milk every last ounce of ‘party’ out of it. Uses the acronym YOLO frequently.
Marco is that sleazy guy that thinks he’s “too hot for the ladies to handle” when they really just want him to get that hairy chest away from them. Has a sweat condition.
His parents decided to give him a ‘strong name’ and he’s being trying to live up to it ever since. Thorn will react violently if you mention the band Poison and was voted most likely to say the words “you looking at me!?” at his old high school.