15 Reasons No One Lives Harder Than Dan Bilzerian

This guy is so extreme even the internet can’t handle him. You undoubtedly know who Dan Bilzerian is, but we’re pretty sure you haven’t read the whole story.

He’s a military man, turned Lord of War, turned poker pro-playboy-millionaire-philanthropist and lives the kind of crazy life that no normal person could ever accomplish. So sit down, strap in, set fire to something and watch the world burn ‘man’ because people like Dan Bilzerian actually exist.


1. He’s had some pretty nasty heart problems.

Promises were made to show you some serious thug-life and it’s understandable if heart problems aren’t your idea of crazy. However, it’s important to realize a lifestyle this extreme is going to take a toll on the body. This guy hasn’t just had one heart attack, he had two at the age of 25 and another at 32. That’s three times the heart attacks that a normal guy would have clocked up by the age of 60.


2. He was too hardcore for the Navy Seals.

Here he is on the set of Lone Survivor, playing what he actually was in real life: a Navy Seal. Technically he never graduated, but this guy got 94 out of 99 on his military exam after enduring a gruelling 510 days of Seal training. He got kicked out because he called his superior officer a pussy and was honorably discharged before graduation. Apparently Dan has a problem with authority.


3. His cat is an Instagram star.

Dan loves animals and the internet loves Dan’s animals. His cat Smushball has a following of 851,000 Instagram users. If there’s nothing you’d rather do right now then look at pictures of Dan’s cat, you can check out its Instagram account here.

4. He’s one hell of a womanizer.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, Dan is a little bit crazy. He was accused of kicking a model in the face last year and was also involved in breaking a girl’s ankle. In a stunt organized by Hustler, Bilzerian threw a naked model off a balcony into a pool, but things went wrong when she grabbed his shirt at the last second, Ouch. Lastly, the iconic playboy has boasted about sleeping with 16 girls in 12 days and says that “ugly women hurt his eyes”.


5. His Dad went to prison.

Paul Bilzerian has been convicted of stock fraud stemming from his job as a private equity trader in the 80’s. He also lived a jet setting lifestyle which probably explains where his son gets his taste for the lavish.


6. He wasn’t Mr. Popular at school.

You don’t reach these levels of debauchery by being a normal, well adjusted individual. Dan stated that he hated school, he was not a popular guy and was in fact widely ridiculed by the other members of his class after his dad was jailed. Now he’s probably laughing all the way to his model filled champagne Jacuzzi.

7. He was expelled from school… And from an entire state.

After his father was released from prison, Bilzerian Senior uprooted the family and moved them to Utah after he purchased a company. Dan hated life there finding it dull and boring. He couldn’t relate to other kids in his class and was plagued by loneliness. He found a way to get himself expelled from his school and the entire state of Utah. That’s going the extra mile right there.


8. He sued the creators of Lone Survivor.

Bilzerian is not immune to the celebrity impulse of ‘rage suing’. After investing $1 million into the film in exchange for 80 words of dialogue and 8 minutes of screen time, he was furious that producers cut his role to one line and around one minute of screen time. In response, Dan filed a lawsuit for $1.25 million but dropped it after making back $1.5 million from the film.


9. It’s not exactly clear how much he is worth.

He estimated his own worth at $100 million but his earnings on the poker tour don’t go over $3 million. So where does his money come from? He claims that he’s fleeced businessmen out of $50 million in private games. He confesses that he’s an ‘average’ poker player, but isn’t average at spending money with mansions, jets and sports cars all on the list of his possessions.

10. He’s generous with his money.

Dan also has a softer side. When his dad was in prison, Dan spent 1/3rd of his trust fund to post bail. He regularly helps friends fund their dreams and has created a ‘Robin Hood’ project donating over $100,000 to victims of typhoon Haiyan.


11. He likes to make bombs.

Dan make bomb, Dan get arrested for making bomb. This just proves you can take a guy out of the military (by force), but you just can’t take the military out of the guy. Dan loves him some guns, loves him some bomb making and often posts images on Instagram and Facebook of his gun collection. Dan is America!


12. This is how he rolls, literally.

There is no way of knowing what’s going on in this picture but it’s probably just a typical night out for Dan, taking his girl out for burgers with his pet gorilla in tow and….Vern Troyer for some reason.

13. Dan Bilzerian is: Lord of War.

Well, not exactly. After losing everything playing poker in college, Dan got himself back on his feet selling $750 guns for around $10,000. That’s quite the mark-up. One has to wonder whether he could have had a lucrative career in gun running and then played himself in another version of Lord of War.


14. His beard is EXTREMELY important to him.

Dan loves his beard more than you ever could. He once famously sat in the background of the World Series of Poker final table, while a model stroked his beard and turned down an offer of $100,000 to shave off his most beloved possession.


15. Dan was jailed in High School.

Dan was so proud of his father’s war achievements in Vietnam, that he took an M-16 assault rifle (which was a souvenir from the war) into school to show his class. In a move that was probably wise, Utah decided Dan was a problem for another state.