11 Strategies To Dating The Prom Queen According To Movies
So you’re in high school and you want to aim high? There’s no higher you can aim than the potential prom queen. Here are 11 helpful strategies straight from movies to help you snag the deadliest catch.
1. Pay a guy to date her sister (10 Things I Hate About You).
After the hot girl’s dad decides girls her age are too sexually promiscuous, he makes a decision that she can’t go to prom unless her sister goes. You get the idea to pay a dangerous Australian criminal to take her on dates and lie to her while you learn French with her sister – nobody said dating the queen was going to be easy.
2. Write her a letter telling her you’re obsessed with her, pussy out on giving it to her, until the universe gets it to her anyway (Can’t Hardly Wait).
If you want to use this strategy you’re going to need to be a total stalker, can you do that? OK good! Also you need to be a complete and utter wimp and mopey whiner baby without ever talking to her, but make sure to write all of that down in a letter. Towards the end of the last party of the year, the letter that you threw away will reach her, she will read it and she will love you. Also worthy of note: The biggest nerd in school gets massive groupie love after singing “Paradise City” and a German exchange student keeps repeating “would you like to touch my penis?”.
3. Make your own prom queen. Note: She needs to have glasses (She’s All That).
This one actually requires you to be the most popular guy in school. Have you nailed that down? How many are in line before you? Can you murder them or get them all to transfer? Great, let’s move on. After you have a talk with your current girlfriend who is the potential queen, break up with her and start fresh. Make a bet with your best friend that you can turn any girl into prom queen and after he picks the most ‘unattractive girl in school’, you turn Quasimodo into Heidi Klum by giving her a hair cut, contact lenses and a push-up bra.
4. Have sex with a pie (American Pie).
It couldn’t hurt your chances right?
5. Wait until she gets hit by a bus (Mean Girls).
If you’re in the real life equivalent of this school then may God have mercy on your soul, because no one in this school will. This is the dark side of dating the prom queen. You might have to murder someone to get her attention or wait until she gets hit by a bus and comfort her back to health.
6. Become a mysterious outcast with a heart of gold (The Breakfast Club).
Act like you’re a total a-hole for an entire day of detention, don’t live by society’s rules and be a bad boy. As soon as you get the popular girl alone, show her your softer side and tell her that you do actually have emotions. She will be walking hand in hand with you while you fist bump the air triumphantly in no time.
7. Destroy your entire neighborhood (Project X).
Go big or go home right? Nothing gets the attention of hot girls like massive parties, property damage and life threatening situations. Chicks love a bad boy.
8. Get your ass kicked and nearly die while becoming a real-life superhero (Kick-Ass).
Go out onto the streets and fight crime in a cool costume. Then become a YouTube sensation and be extraordinarily bad at keeping your identity secret.
9. Be a real superhero in a school full of superheros (Sky High).
You can be an awkward kid and still get the prom queen as long as you have super strength and the power to fly.
10. Let her rescue you and be a complete stoner (Buffy the Vampire Slayer).
This one sounds easy enough. If vampires are real then the vampire slayer is probably the prom queen. Get your friend to dress up as a vampire, act really scared and you’ll have hot girls falling all over themselves to save you. It’s science.
11. Be friend-zoned as a child then a teen and take a cross country road trip where your stupid mates get the girls (Paper Towns).
If you want to use this strategy then you’re already too late if you’re over ten. Befriend a girl when you are super young (ages vary), but starting at around five should give you sufficient time. Be best friends with the girl until you hit high school and she becomes too cool for you. After she disappears, become convinced that she is leaving clues for you to follow and go on a cross country road trip trying to track her down. After you find her, get rejected and turn up to prom where your two loser friends have girlfriends and you don’t. You might not have a girl, but you have learned a valuable lesson about friendship.